The Oddity of Life and Love

Here I am, in a plane on my way back from St. Croix, USVI via San Juan, Puerto Rico and I suddenly wax sentimental. Go figure. It was not the best of business trips. In fact at one point I had quite a bit of egg on my face. Maybe I needed to escape the humiliation and frustration I endured for several days. Perhaps it was the boredom of such a long flight or the incessant whining of the 2 year old down the row from me. I finally just looked out the window as sunset began and lost myself in the wonder of it all.

I was fascinated by the clouds for about 20 minutes. They are so much fun from this side. One section looked just like the frothiest, most delicious bubble bath you could imagine. It was endless and beautiful. I think Gabriel's bathtub must have over-flown. My only hints that it was not warm and lovely were the ice crystals forming on my window. Brrr.

Clouds. There is no way I could think of clouds without strangely enough thinking about my children's soon to be step mother. There must be a simpler way of describing who she is to me… but I haven't figured it out yet. My former husbands soon to be ex? Nah… too bitter. I will think of something more fitting for her. She deserves better than that.

However you describe her, it would be true to say that she is a weather buff extraordinaire. I knew she would be clicking away on her camera if she were here. Suddenly the bubble bath gave way to an absolute waterfall into cloudlessness and I started to think about love. How complicated it is. I feel positive about this new woman being in my children's lives. Why she would ever choose to marry my ex is a certain mystery I may never understand but she seems determined. I will accept that as loyalty. So here has begun this strange loop-de-loop of love. Not a circle exactly. I love my children. They love her. She loves my ex. He loves my children. I love his parents. His parents love me. And in the beautiful center of it… we all love those precious children. It is complicated, but it is love. It is broken in certain parts, bumpy in many parts and oh so rough around the edges but this love loop is genuine. It is real. It has God's love, forgiveness, grace, and mercy woven all through it on all our parts.

Right now there is the tiniest sliver of orange blending upwards into blue that is just peeking over the clouds. A sunset is appropriate at this moment with this contemplation in mind. I cannot be more thankful that the end of my marriage will result in another great human being becoming a part of my children's life. I have fears about the future. What it will hold. If this marriage will last. I may never feel better about everything that lead up to my divorce but I can see that God will not let any of it go to waste. He will redeem it, just like He did this world of ours. He will bring good from it. I can live with that.