A blog has been brewing...

I think this blog started brewing when my daughter found out I would be 39 this year. She said to me, in a very distressed tone, “Oh NO Mom! That means you only have one more year to find a man!”

Gulp.

Of course, being the humorist that I am… and seeing a HUGE opportunity to play this up… I said, “What? Ah! Morgan!!!” So she does what most people do when they have inserted foot in mouth. They make it worse. Morgan goes on this long rambling explanation of how, you know, 30 year old men like women in their 30’s… & 40 year old men like women in their 30’s… & 50 year old men like women in their 30’s. Not helping, Morgan. I finally just said to her, “Hey baby… I am HOT for 39 and don’t you forget it!” She giggled herself into silence, thankfully. GEESH!

So this got me to thinking… I could have a lot to be depressed about if I weren’t just so darn happy. I mean… I am still single at 39 after 3 years of divorce. I’m fatter than I have ever been. (Well, since giving birth to a 9lb 9oz baby boy, that is) I vacillate wildly between liking my job OK and loathing it deeply. The stress in this economy is un-imaginable. It does pay the bills though. And well. Because of our divorce arrangement I carry 99.9% of all of the responsibility with my kids financially, spiritually & mentally. It would be easy to become bitter.

But I just can’t. Life is too sweet.

I remember when I was about 32. I kept saying to most people who were close to me, “I feel like I am 50!” I was always so tired & exhausted. Tired & exhausted… redundant, maybe. But I was worn slap out from life. Not anymore. I feel like I am 29, not 39. I am proud of my life. I am providing a great childhood for my kids. They are happy, sweet kids. I am being a good daughter to my aging parents. This life sure ain’t perfect, but it is ours. I love my home (which I bought on my dang own might I add). I love my friends. I am so blessed.

So, I have made a 39th birthday resolution! I am gonna live my life, as much as possible, with NO regrets from here on out. I am gonna write that book everyone keeps encouraging me to write. I am gonna kick butt at work. I am gonna love my parents so much that they have a smile on their faces when they greet St. Peter one day. I am gonna look better at 40 than I have in years! I am gonna raise incredible, successful kids. And if a man happens to find ME this year before I turn 40… lucky him! (She says with tongue in cheek & twinkle in eye)

Life in the skin of a single, middle aged mother is a constant battle of self-esteem. I either think I am awesome & can conquer the world or feel I can do nothing right. The truth is somewhere in between and that is where I want to live. This year & every year from here on out I want to embrace all of it! So 39… BRING IT!