The Oddity of Life and Love, Part II

We got a Wii for Christmas. It was a fantastic moment, as the kids had already given up hope for a Wii in lieu of saving their money for a mission trip. I gave them a bunch of little ratty gifts and was kinda like, "Ok, done!" And then Morgan spied the end of one present that had come un-taped. She saw a Wii on the box & started squealing "You didn't!" "You did???" "You DID!!!" It was awesome. So much excitement! It almost made me cry.

However, there are these cute little characters called "Mii's" that you create as the cartoon version of yourself. As you play the game your Mii is acting out the motions in whatever game you are playing. My precious children, in their enthusiastic zeal for the Wii and their sweet, loving innocence… decided to create a Mii for every person in their family. They spent almost an hour one day constructing cartoon characters of parents, grandparents, friends and cousins. So the other day I was playing baseball with my son and who should I be pitching to? My ex-husband. I played doubles in tennis against his fiancé, as well. Oh the irony.

No matter where I go or what I do I cannot escape my past. It kinda bites that I paid so much money for something that forces me to face my mistakes on a daily basis and even play volley ball with them! But it is a good thing, I was thinking, that the kids feel comfortable enough in our relationship to not even consider it odd that I should be on a bowling team that includes their soon to be step sister and my ex-husband (also known as their Dad in some circles). Some parents infuse their children with negative information about the other parent, effectively poisoning their own relationships. I have to guard against that & actively choose to keep my mouth closed in certain instances.

I wish life was that easy, actually. Play tennis, shake hands, go home. We do not and may not ever get along well enough to live in such Wii harmony, but we have both done a good job sheltering and protecting our children. We don't put them in the middle. We try very hard not to drag them into any argument we may be having, which seems to be a lot lately. I think it shows in what I would call their "un-taintedness". This split life is not easy for the kids but for the most part they seem well adjusted, warm & kind. I cannot say that about many children whose families are in tact. Once again, my whole life is a testament to the graciousness of merciful God.

Perhaps God is even snickering from on high when I am forced, by the love of my children, to play basketball with my ex. As Holy as God is, I think He has a wicked sense of humor sometimes!

The Oddity of Life and Love

Here I am, in a plane on my way back from St. Croix, USVI via San Juan, Puerto Rico and I suddenly wax sentimental. Go figure. It was not the best of business trips. In fact at one point I had quite a bit of egg on my face. Maybe I needed to escape the humiliation and frustration I endured for several days. Perhaps it was the boredom of such a long flight or the incessant whining of the 2 year old down the row from me. I finally just looked out the window as sunset began and lost myself in the wonder of it all.

I was fascinated by the clouds for about 20 minutes. They are so much fun from this side. One section looked just like the frothiest, most delicious bubble bath you could imagine. It was endless and beautiful. I think Gabriel's bathtub must have over-flown. My only hints that it was not warm and lovely were the ice crystals forming on my window. Brrr.

Clouds. There is no way I could think of clouds without strangely enough thinking about my children's soon to be step mother. There must be a simpler way of describing who she is to me… but I haven't figured it out yet. My former husbands soon to be ex? Nah… too bitter. I will think of something more fitting for her. She deserves better than that.

However you describe her, it would be true to say that she is a weather buff extraordinaire. I knew she would be clicking away on her camera if she were here. Suddenly the bubble bath gave way to an absolute waterfall into cloudlessness and I started to think about love. How complicated it is. I feel positive about this new woman being in my children's lives. Why she would ever choose to marry my ex is a certain mystery I may never understand but she seems determined. I will accept that as loyalty. So here has begun this strange loop-de-loop of love. Not a circle exactly. I love my children. They love her. She loves my ex. He loves my children. I love his parents. His parents love me. And in the beautiful center of it… we all love those precious children. It is complicated, but it is love. It is broken in certain parts, bumpy in many parts and oh so rough around the edges but this love loop is genuine. It is real. It has God's love, forgiveness, grace, and mercy woven all through it on all our parts.

Right now there is the tiniest sliver of orange blending upwards into blue that is just peeking over the clouds. A sunset is appropriate at this moment with this contemplation in mind. I cannot be more thankful that the end of my marriage will result in another great human being becoming a part of my children's life. I have fears about the future. What it will hold. If this marriage will last. I may never feel better about everything that lead up to my divorce but I can see that God will not let any of it go to waste. He will redeem it, just like He did this world of ours. He will bring good from it. I can live with that.

Wii are for Missions!

This Baptist thing is working out. Wednesday night we had a program about missions. Baptists do RA's & GA's that are basically kid training on missions. People got up and gave their testamonies about going on mission trips. I thought the kids were bored silly, flopping all over me, rolling their eyes, wanting to go home. We finally came home and I reminded the kids I was going out of the country again on business next week. They started begging to go, which of course they can't because of school. But I told them I had been thinking about getting them active passports so that if we had the opportunity to go on a mission trip they would be ready. They both lit up & were all for it.

So, later Morgan goes to get her shower while me & Noah are at the computer. Our Pastor's son & daughter-in-law are missionaries in Bangladesh and we went to visit their blog spot. For Thanksgiving they collected beggars from the street of Bangladesh and provided a feast for them. Bathed them. Fed them. Provided blankets and necessities for them. Pictures were attached showing them carrying crippled men whose legs were either missing or limp. It was a graphic picture of selfless Christianity. The good kind of Christianity. Noah was very moved by it all as I read the story to him while he looked at the pictures. After a few moments of silence he said, "Mom, can I start saving my grade money toward a mission trip?" I said "Sure baby. We can start a fund for missions just like we have one for the Wii we want to buy." Noah thought for a minute and then with tears in his eyes he said, "Can we just turn our Wii fund into a missionary fund?" Chills ran up my spine & tears welled up in my eyes. I do not know many 9 year old boys who would think of that or be willing to give up a Wii to do missions. I said, "Well, your sister contributed some of the money so will have to ask her." He ran to go ask her and with an affirmative answer in his back pocket he proudly proclaimed, "OK then! We have a missions trip fund!" Little do they know, I had already bought that Wii for them for Christmas so we all will have a blessed Christmas. Mine is just about perfect knowing I have children with hearts like these. There could be no better gift. Especially with the spiritually complicated life and family we have woven for ourselves. God's grace is indeed upon us!

Ever since then Noah has been practically harrassing me to do chores to earn money so he can put it in the fund for missions. I think doing laundry may be a thing of the past for me... and it IS for a good cause... RIIIIIGHT??? So this Baptist thing is working out pretty well. The Spirit of our one and powerful God is at work and that is very exciting! Especially when I see it's effect on a broken and endlessly flawed human like me.