Funny Twists

Life is so full of funny twists and turns. All you have to do is be open and go with the flow and an amazing adventure can unfold before your eyes. As most of you have noticed, I am in a bona fide “relationship” for the first time since my divorce 3 ½ years ago. I can’t tell you what a positive, fun, and genuinely good relationship this has been, so far. I have always believed that good things come to good people. I haven’t always had the proof to go with this belief but I somehow still clung to that ideal like a child clings to their security blanket. Christians call it the principle of reaping and sowing. Hindu’s call it Karma. I call it just plain fair. Life is so seldom fair, though.

This aspect of life really bugs me: The unfairness of it all. I am a lover of evenhandedness. I react badly to partiality, just like a child. I meticulously count out Christmas presents, turns in the front seat and brownies to make sure my kids each get the same amount. I guess it makes me revel in the beauty of justice even more when it actually happens in such an unfair world. Many, many things have been unfair in my life lately. Work has been an insane place to dwell. Corporate America has lost their ever loving minds. The goals set before most of us are un-reachable in this crazy economic atmosphere. They are talking about how production is up in America. That’s because those of us who have jobs go to extraordinary lengths and put up with just about anything to keep our jobs. They pile on incredible amounts of work to those who are still employed and all we can do is say, “Yes sir & Thank you, Ma’am.” It has been absolute war in the trenches to keep my job & succeed at it. It is always wise to keep an eye out for other opportunities, as well. So checking my options in the mean time has become a hobby of mine. What a relief to find that I actually have quite a few. A job is such a valuable thing right now. The prospect of being without one for even one month could be devastating. I feel this full weight on my shoulders as a single Mom.

You just never know, though, what will pop up out of the blue and rescue you from the most stressful situations. At the same time that this professional upheaval has started for the first time in my adult life, I have been flooded with new friends, renewed friendships, family, and more laughter than I have known in years. My life is once again absolutely rich with relationships. Although life seems exceedingly unfair at times, it does have this rhythm that almost has a balance to it. Whenever I feel like I am on the verge of panicking about whatever crisis may be approaching or whatever extra pressure is being added to my shoulders, I have to remind myself to just wait a bit. Breathe for a minute. Something may turn up. It usually does. This one lesson has helped me keep my sanity more than once.

So, I am going to breathe for a minute. See what turns up. Take this one step and then pause to take it all in. You just never know when something wonderful may be hidden inside all that stuff that causes pain. That’s the rhythm I am learning to keep time with in life and I am excited to see what the future holds.

A jumble of extraordinary and excruciating: This is how I know I have lived.

Anyone who has known me for two minutes has seen the many facets of life that bombard me on a daily basis. I have had some excruciating moments in life. Too many, probably, but I have had moments straight out of my best dream, as well. My emotions can vacillate between giddy and terrified within days or even moments, sometimes. If I succeed, I do it big. If I fail, I do it on a grand scale.

Inside my humble life of working my fingers to the bone to make ends meet as a single mother with a stressful career, I sometimes lose myself. I forget that I was created to be extraordinary... by a maker who is nothing short of supernatural. Even when standing on the brink of disaster, I have been reminded of who I am. Sometimes it takes the small people in life to remind you of your importance. When my babies wrap those precious arms around me and tell me how much they love me, I know why I do everything that I do. But sometimes it takes the big people in life to remind you of who you are. I have mingled with some amazing people in my lifetime. To have all the earthly possessions you could ask for and to remain kind, gracious and serving at the same time is nothing short of extraordinary.

If I had the ability to peek inside these extraordinary lives both small and large, I feel certain I would find a struggling soul much like my own. It may be the excruciation of life that forms the extraordinary character necessary to live life fully. It would be too easy to just shut down and miss life altogether. A numb life would hurt much less. So many days I have wanted to give up. Somewhere deep in my soul there is always this nagging hope for the future that just won’t let me go, though. When you go through tragedy time and again, you know that it also comes to an end. You learn to hang on, weather the ride and look for the end of the line. Somehow that sunshine at the end of such a long hard rain seems warmer, brighter and more full of life than you ever remembered before.

I know we have all had a tough 2009. For some of us it has been excruciating. The thing I know about the future is that it can be brighter than we ever imagined. Having had so many dark moments in my own life, I know that the darkness is not the end... just a spring board of sorts. I believe the key to learning to live life fully is embracing it all and accepting the extraordinary excruciation it takes to live life to the fullest. So let’s do that. Let’s do it this year.