A jumble of extraordinary and excruciating: This is how I know I have lived.

Anyone who has known me for two minutes has seen the many facets of life that bombard me on a daily basis. I have had some excruciating moments in life. Too many, probably, but I have had moments straight out of my best dream, as well. My emotions can vacillate between giddy and terrified within days or even moments, sometimes. If I succeed, I do it big. If I fail, I do it on a grand scale.

Inside my humble life of working my fingers to the bone to make ends meet as a single mother with a stressful career, I sometimes lose myself. I forget that I was created to be extraordinary... by a maker who is nothing short of supernatural. Even when standing on the brink of disaster, I have been reminded of who I am. Sometimes it takes the small people in life to remind you of your importance. When my babies wrap those precious arms around me and tell me how much they love me, I know why I do everything that I do. But sometimes it takes the big people in life to remind you of who you are. I have mingled with some amazing people in my lifetime. To have all the earthly possessions you could ask for and to remain kind, gracious and serving at the same time is nothing short of extraordinary.

If I had the ability to peek inside these extraordinary lives both small and large, I feel certain I would find a struggling soul much like my own. It may be the excruciation of life that forms the extraordinary character necessary to live life fully. It would be too easy to just shut down and miss life altogether. A numb life would hurt much less. So many days I have wanted to give up. Somewhere deep in my soul there is always this nagging hope for the future that just won’t let me go, though. When you go through tragedy time and again, you know that it also comes to an end. You learn to hang on, weather the ride and look for the end of the line. Somehow that sunshine at the end of such a long hard rain seems warmer, brighter and more full of life than you ever remembered before.

I know we have all had a tough 2009. For some of us it has been excruciating. The thing I know about the future is that it can be brighter than we ever imagined. Having had so many dark moments in my own life, I know that the darkness is not the end... just a spring board of sorts. I believe the key to learning to live life fully is embracing it all and accepting the extraordinary excruciation it takes to live life to the fullest. So let’s do that. Let’s do it this year.